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Army
Peng enlisted just earlier this week, Tuesday on 4th Feb. and i'm probably gonna regret so much for not taking leave and accompanying him there to Tekong. :(
but what's done cannot be undone and it's already over, he's nicely tucked in Tekong and i can't see him till 14 days later (as of now).
saw on twitter that Glenda skipped school just to send her boyfriend off (to Tekong as well), and that sparked my guilt. i should have went, shouldn't i ? damn it.
first day there, he called me for a short while at about 9plus. apparently it was during some sort of admin time and he actually talked army terms to me (though i didn't really understand cause army has so many abbrieviations for so many things).
and afterwards at about 10 plus he texted me. and we chatted for awhile.
and so it continued for the days after that, with today being the 5th day he's inside.
short calls, short texting sessions.
these are obviously insufficient, but it's the most that i can get. it's not as if he's holidaying, just like those 2 weeks he was back in China. this time, he's serving the nation, dedicating 2 years (specifically 1 year and 10 months but whatever) of his life to the army. learning how to handle weapons, explosives and training to be an independent man who has the skills and ability to take care of himself in war-like conditions.
i should be proud of him and i really am, but that doesn't mean i can't miss him. and boy, do i miss him a whole lot ! :'(
it's only been 5 days and i already feel like i can't take it anymore.
even when he went back to China the other time i didn't feel so terrible. back then it was like only a fraction of what i feel now. argh.
i think it's probably cause i know that he's not going to come back in exactly 2 weeks.
though he is coming out on the 21st, which is his first official bookout. but he only has one full Sunday free before he has to go in again. and its going to continue for this whole year. as well as the next. and i haven't even considered the duration of the field camps that he would have. (which i heard from Xingyee is a long period of absolutely no contact, shit)
i think as time passes i'll get used to it. but not now, i can't.
its only for 2 years, probably slightly lesser and it's going to be over.
my only wish is that our relationship still continues, even after he comes out. and i hope it will be stronger than ever. :(
it's kinda scary to think that there is a possibility that we might break up cause i don't want that. not now, not ever and definitely not in my next life.
they say army is the cause of most breakups, and i want to challenge that cause we've only just started, we hunger much for the future that we can possibly have.
always keeping the faith that we can survive this, and that nothing can make us lose each other.
but first i've got to stop overthinking so much, to stop worrying bout him in there cause the army will take care of him, right ?
although honestly its pretty hard to keep thinking that when deaths have occured to men who were serving the army before.
but he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. right ?
oh my god i really hope so. :'(
shit.
i keep cursing lately and i hate it but i can't help it. gah.
i have no idea how he became so important to me. i mean, it's not like i place him as more important over my friends but he's grown to be as important as them. and he's someone i definitely don't want to lose. and army's not going to make me lose him.
i have that bit of trust in our Singapore Army. (just that little bit)
i can't believe it when he told me over a phonecall yesterday that the officers — sergeants, corporals and all these actually cursed at them.
what the shit man.
i don't really like people who curse cause it makes them sound really uncouth.
and hearing that kinda irked me. i just hope he doesn't pick up all the curse words. cause he said once before that he didn't like to curse. and so i hope that he won't.
moving away from the sad mood up there, on a (little) brighter note !
i can't wait to see how he looks botak. as well as Lao Da hahaha.
oh and i read on their website that PRs can apply for Singaporean nationality after they complete NS. and i hope that he can get Singaporean nationality. there were some who didn't manage to get it and i hope he won't be one of them in the future !
i mean, he's so talented (as what he always tells me, and it's actually kinda true), Singapore should want him.
i'll just do my part as a patient and understanding girlfriend while waiting for his ORD (after all, isn't that the only thing i can do now ?).
awaiting the day where he's finally done with NS.
till then ! and i'm sorry to anyone who's reading this cause lately all these posts are about Peng and i sound like an obssessive girlfriend and you guys probably hate me.
but i really needed to get all of this off my chest and blogging's so much faster than writing in my diary.
on a very very last note, i miss Peng so much. so much till i wish i was there with him at Tekong.
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