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Day 1 of chinese new year 2013
since i'm here i might as well make an entry. hehheh.
lazy pig that i am, almost couldn't wake up in the morning.
visited great grandma's house in the morning, and prayed to her temporary tablet at the altar.
didn't see the usual crowd of relatives there. and didn't receive any red packets also cause they can't give.
just chatted and interacted with my cousins and aunts there.
scolded chania today cause she hit wayne with too much force.
i was totally shocked when she did that. because that's not the way to treat your own sibling.
even i do not hit my meimei with that much force when i'm angry.
poor wayne. he's so frail already and yet his whole family always bully and abuse him.
i can't stand the way his sorry excuse of his parents treat him.
they don't even treat him like a human being. always laying the blame on him, punishing him without any reason, hitting him.
i despise such people, who take out everything on an innocent child.
and i hate that i'm powerless to do anything, and can only stand by the side and watch all these happening.
that's probably why i treat wayne better than chania, maybe because i feel that he's not getting the love that he deserves.
even when he's being exceptionally naughty, i'll try to understand cause maybe that's his way of rebelling when his parents aren't looking.
sigh, i wish life for him wasn't that tough, but nothing is really ever within my control. :(
i pray for the best for him.
rainy day today. rarely it rains during new year.
wore long sleeve tops today.
at night it was even colder. thank goodness i decided to wear my vee-necked long sleeve.
kept me warm.
fell asleep when we returned home in the afternoon after the visit to the columbarium.
can't believe i was that tired !
but maybe its all those weeks of sleep that has been accumulated. and so i paid off some today.
besides, the cold weather is such a nice weather for a good rest !
i love this kind of weather.
feel like watching the romantic & idol, so i'll probably stop here for tonight. maybe i should plan what to study tmr before watching. and pack up my room.
omg, i'm such an untidy girl. who would want to marry me in the future ? :( sigh.
goodnight, lovelies. o(^O^)o
sher's been busy~
hahaha. really didn't have the time to blog these days. ;(
the amount of homework is seriously no joke, i feel like i'm buried deep under them.
ms mok likes to give homework like its free, so i have to keep doing it. le sigh.
plus bio, which is really demanding cause there's ms lim. heh heh.
cried for the first time in 2013.
it all started this tuesday, when almost the whole class didn't view the slides mr wong emailed to the class.
and we admitted that we didn't view it also. and got kicked out of class.
two periods without lessons. sounds shiok, but actually not really.
i failed terribly as a chem rep, really.
not only did i not set a good example, i didn't apologise to mr wong also.
i meant to, really, after the second chem practical period.
but then someone said that we should let him cool down first, and i thought that sounded logical too, so i didn't send an apology.
and i didn't text him on thursday cause i didn't know how to phrase the apology. and i'm pretty scared of him. sigh. i'm such a coward.
and then thursday, he just came in, flashed the tutorial answers and walked out of class.
it was so damn obvious that he was still angry.
and i felt super super terrible cause before that athirah kept asking me to apologise to him on behalf of the class before he started the lesson, but i couldn't find the courage to open my mouth to do that. and then when we wanted to apologise as a class, he cut us off and started flashing the answers...
and yuxin passed me a note during class, saying that i should really apologise cause its so damn obvious that he's angry.
but then, i was just too scared of him.
couldn't concentrate on copying down the answers that he flashed cause i was deciding what should i do next. and then he walked out of class...
and maybe athirah wasn't trying to make me feel awful by saying that i should have apologised to him before he started the tutorial, but i still felt very stifled and like my chest's too tight for me to breathe. and i can't believe i cried, ohmygod.
i must have looked super pathetic and weak. and i hate feeling like this, but somehow when it comes to mr wong, crying comes very naturally to me. argh.
so i compiled all the apologies from the class. and then i had no courage to give it to him myself, argh.
leong and nicholas were nice enough to accompany me to give it to him.
and his expression was scary like hell, he looked as if he's sizing me up for his dinner or something. freaking scary.
and he obviously caught on that i'm scared of him, cause he questioned why didn't i call him personally, why did i make june call instead ?
well, hell. i wanted to, but june already started dialing so i didn't.
then he kept saying its too late...
felt like something's been lifted from inside me when he finally accepted the apology letter.
and then i showed my weakness again by crying. damn.
he didn't see it, but he may have noticed that my eyes turned very shiny.
went to the toilet and cried like hell.
i don't want people like him as my boss, cause i'd be too scared to do anything. :(
i mean, its not that his teaching suck. he teaches pretty good.
but i find him so unapproachable cause he's always so stern. and he looks like he would bear grudges for a long time...
hope i can become stronger and not be affected so much. i cannot be so weak anymore, sigh.
was pretty horrified after i stopped crying, cause my eyes were damn red. look like vampire.
was totally feeling down after that for awhile, couldn't even get myself high for the orientation cheers.
but thank goodness for my classmates. cause they made me feel much better. thankful for piriya's hug, and arham, nicholas, leong and thura's pat.
really appreciate leong, who's been like an older brother to me.
he's been making fun of me all the time, but he would stand up and protect me when other people get overboard.
i love you guys. *insert manymany hearts*
there's no secret circle today :(
maybe cause today's the first day of chinese new year. then there's special programmes lined up.
watched The Romantic & Idol Season 2 Episode 2 instead.
been missing out loads of episodes of season 2 cause there's no time for me to even use the computer. have a late habit lately, and that is doing homework till i fall asleep, usually on the bed. and i nap for awhile and wake up maybe an hour later. and then i go back to napping and waking up. its like i'm sleeping in intervals, and that makes me suuuuuuper tired. my eyebags are really awful now. but yay, besties felicia said that i look better without spectacles. woohooo~ been coping much better with my feelings these days. though i've been really awkward around him. well, i have this annoying habit. i would tend to become very awkward around the person once i realise that i feel for him. and so i no longer know how should i act around him. and this is driving me really crazy cause i can't stand this awkwardness. and the jealousy is another thing. :( sigh. if liking someone is so difficult, then i wish i'd never felt for him in the first place. its like, longing for something that cannot be possible; that cannot belong to you. this feeling is so damn stifling, sometimes i feel like i can't catch my breath. but lately its been much better, cause i've made myself focus on other things. woohooo ! but anyway, having these feelings make me feel like a normal girl. ;) heh heh. i just hope that it doesn't jeopardise our friendship. thats all i wish for. hummm, my eyelids are succumbing to gravity. a sign that i should get my ass to bed. wishing everybody a HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR ! say what, its the year of the snake ! sssssss ! goodnight lovelies. :DD |